3 Ways to be better at Receiving

I have a question for you:

Are you good at receiving?




Help carrying your heavy bags

Sexual pleasure...

My experience after spending over 10 years coaching and leading workshops with women is that for 99% of women the answer to this question is a big, loud, resounding “NO”

We tend to be terrible at receiving!  


It’s our birthright to receive. 

Life is so much more FUN when we allow ourselves to receive, 

Yet mostly, we suck at it.


Any of this sound familiar?:

Do you block opportunities to receive, and automatically put up defenses against it without even realizing it?  

Do you act all tough and like you “got this” most of the time?

Do you get stuck on output, and nurturing others, completely forgetting to take back in and refill your own tank? 

Do you ever feel a strange guilt when something comes to you effortlessly, or when you get a big gift for no reason?

Maybe you even have trouble receiving in the bedroom without immediately feeling obligated to return the favor, instead of letting yourself surrender fully into your own moment of bliss?


There are so many reasons that receiving is a challenge for women, but in a nutshell, it's because we were never taught that it was really ok for us to receive.   And the reason for that is, that our culture in general doesn’t value some of the more subtle forms of power that are associated with the feminine.


In order for us to value the power of receiving, we need to actually value the power of the feminine.


Early waves of feminism attempted to minimize gender differences in order to show that a woman can do anything a man can do, and that we are equal.  It seemed anti- feminist to acknowledge where we are different.  Consequently, we have been encouraged to blindly adopt masculine definitions of power in order to succeed in our careers.


I think we have finally entered into a period in the western world where we feel secure enough in our roles, that we can actually look at the built in gender bias regarding power and explore such a thing as “feminine power”


The time of the woman is the time of recognizing that there are some basic differences between the masculine and the feminine, and choosing to acknowledge and place value on the things that fall under the feminine “domain” 


Just to be blunt for a moment: Think about the very thing that defines us as women anatomically.  


We are built as receivers, while men are built as penetrators.  This basic difference underlies the way power is defined in our culture.


Have you ever heard a guy refer to another man or a woman and call him/her a "pussy"?   When we hear that we automatically know it is an insult, and that it is implying a lack of power - or being a "wimp".


This common insult tells us a lot about what our cultural assumptions are regarding women, femininity, female sexuality, and power.


Obviously we are being told that a pussy is inferior to the big hard strong cock.  


The pussy is soft, yielding, and receiving.  The opposite of what we associate with power.  

Really understanding how deeply you have absorbed this as some sort of TRUTH, will communicate to you how much you may have abandoned your own femininity in order to succeed and live up to the idea of  what it means to be a powerful person in our culture.

(And by the way - although the nature of the pussy is to be soft and receiving, it is also powerful and flexible enough to expand and birth a baby.  Hmmmm...  this is what feminine power looks like )

It is imperative for the well being of individual women, and for the well being of the world, that we begin to deconstruct the old cultural assumptions, and start to share new models and new definitions of power, where soft, open, and ready to receive are honored.


Your pussy is your powerhouse!


As long as women believe that the qualities which define our sexual energy and anatomy are somehow inferior or "weaker" than the masculine, we will be in suffering, and kept away from the very place where our power is most concentrated.


Disconnection from the power of your pussy, and your sexuality leads to exhaustion, depression, anxiety, disease, and repressed rage to name a few of the negative consequences.


When you are able to tune into what I call your "Sensual Center", the consciousness which is concentrated in between your legs, you have access to a nourishing life force which is healing, energizing, and rejuvenating for your whole system, and you step into your receptivity and natural feminine power.


Can you imagine what it would feel like, to really open up to receive guilt free?  To accept it as a part of your nature?


When you start allowing yourself to identify with yourself as a RECEIVER, your whole life opens up in a major way.  You were built as a receiver, and that is actually a power far stronger than the "penetrator" power persona you are probably putting on to seem strong.


For one, your receiving power activates your magnetism, which is a much more effortless  and fun process of manifesting than “going after” what you want.  I will share more on the power of magnetizing and other benefits of being a receiver in upcoming posts.  For now, let’s have some fun activating our receiving capacity through some practice!


Put It into Practice:

Here are 3 fun ways to become a better receiver right now:


  1. Identify with your pussy.  She is your big physiological receiver.  When you tune into her energy, you automatically connect to the feeling of receiving.  I do teach special breathing practices that help you to do this, but for now, just close your eyes, and let your awareness drop down into your pelvis and take some deep breaths.  Imagine your sexual anatomy as a big beautiful flower that is blossoming open and closing with each inhale and exhale.  Take a moment to let some energy circulate through this part of your body throughout the day.
  2. Give to yourself and allow yourself to receive it. Get out a journal and take a moment to feel into what some simple pleasures that you enjoy, that you may be denying yourself because you think you don’t have time, or don’t deserve to give to yourselffor some reason, and make a list.  Maybe it’s walking barefoot on the grass or the beach, taking a bike ride, savoring a decadent piece of chocolate, or even taking really deep conscious breaths.  See if you can come up with at least 10 things.  Make a promise to yourself to allow yourself to receive one of these pleasures every day.
  3. Experience Gratitude.  Are you receiving the blessings and gifts that are already there?  A big part of being a better receiver is to actually acknowledge and savor those things you already have.  The gratitude actually is the process of receiving. Without the gratitude and the acknowledgement, it’s like the circuit of receiving hasn’t been fully activated.   It’s like a pile up of unreceived “things” in your in box.  Make a list of the incredible blessings you have in your life.  Maybe it’s a loving family,  beautiful weather, a cozy bed, generous friends, a healthy body.  However grand, or seemingly small, it is all significant, and worthy of being received by you.  This practice allows you to drop into a state of deep receptivity.  You can also try saying them out loud to yourself, or sharing with a good friend.  The act of saying it out loud seems to deepen the feeling for me.  
  4. Extra Credit: Feel your Gratitude THROUGH your Pussy!  Haha!  Can you connect to the feelings of receiving and gratitude through your pussy as a feeling of being turned on by your life?!  We-e-e-e-e!   You can even take it to a whole new level if you get inspired enough to dance and sing your gratitudes out loud!!  Like your life has suddenly transported you into a technicolor musical (Think Lala Land!)  Don't worry whether your a great singer or dancer - this is just your own little personal play time.  No one is watching.  Revel in your life.  Revel in all the blessing you have!  Do your own rain dance of receiving.

Alright my pretty, YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO RECEIVE!!!!!  Let it all in! Take a big juicy, luscious, bite out of your life today and savor every moment.  You are allowed.  It's actually a gift to us all when you receive.

xx  Amanda